Getting blamed is a blessing.
The power of taking accountability in a world allergic to being wrong.
Things begin to change the moment you take accountability for your life.
Lately, I’ve noticed a growing aversion to accountability. We’re obsessed with saving face, but hesitant to apologize, own mistakes, or examine our actions. It’s easier to shift blame than to shoulder it.
But every time you trade accountability for victimhood, you hand your power to someone else. Your life becomes theirs - their choices, their outcomes, their story. The weight of responsibility can feel heavy, but the weight of victimhood is crushing.
Accountability can seem intimidating, but it’s actually where freedom begins. When you own your choices - the good and the bad - your life becomes yours again. My choices. My failures. My wins. My life.
If you’re still operating from a victim mindset, you’re limiting your potential. You’re admitting you have no control. Accountability may be uncomfortable, but it’s lighter, freer, and ultimately the key to growth in your career and in your life.
I can’t, I’m accountability-intolerant.
We avoid accountability because we fear blame, judgment, and failure.
We also avoid it because that’s what is modeled for us. No one demonstrates accountability-intolerance quite like politicians.
Government shutdown? It’s the other side of the aisle, not us.
“Our party really tried, but because of them we couldn’t get it done. We’re victims too! But if you vote for us again, we promise we’ll fix it next time — unless, of course, they get in the way again.”
Our leaders have made victimhood the default setting. So, of course, it was only a matter of time until this mindset got adopted by the population.
While no one wants to be wrong, judged, or seen as a failure, refusing to own our shortcomings only gives others power over us.
When you own your faults, no one can use them against you.
They can try - but when you’ve already admitted your mistakes, what else can they say?
“You did this wrong.”
Yes, and?
Once you accept the blame, it’s no longer someone else’s ammo.
Mistakes aren’t the end of the world unless you treat them that way, or let others define them for you. They’re truly opportunities for growth.
Accountability is disarming. We’re so used to finger-pointing that when someone apologizes first, takes ownership, and lays it all out, people don’t know what to do. Usually? They move on.
And you do too - stronger, lighter, and better every day.
Inaction is the fear of failure.
“Daring leaders work to make sure people can be themselves and feel a sense of belonging. Accountability is an act of love and respect.” - Brené Brown
We often avoid accountability through inaction. If you do nothing, you can’t be blamed, right?
That might work in your personal life, but in the workplace? Inaction is a choice - and a visible one. People choose inaction because they’re afraid of their [in]capabilities. Trying and failing feels riskier than not trying at all. Not trying means we can still believe we’d succeed “if we really tried.”
Trying and failing can affirm our insecurities - and that is terrifying.
I see this all the time in student-athletes. They love the sport, they show up, but they hold back. Passion and effort are “cringe.” Deep down, they’re afraid to find out they’re not good enough, even when they give it their all. My job as a coach is to create a space where trying and failing is safe, because that’s the only way to improve.
That fear of not being enough keeps us from going after what we want - the fear of trying and still failing. And I’ve felt it too.
Last lacrosse season, I coached a tough loss. It wasn’t catastrophic for our team, but as the coach (the one accountable for performance), I felt I’d failed them. I had done everything I could, and still lost. It gutted me, and I didn’t know how to come back from it. I spiraled into a dramatic, “I’ll never step on a lacrosse field again.”
But accountability doesn’t let you hide. There were more games to play. I had to show up, process the loss, and learn from it. Quitting wasn’t an option. And leaning into that discomfort made me a better coach.
Taking accountability and giving your full effort means the failures hurt more. Things were up to you, and you didn’t deliver. But they also matter more. The work gets harder, but so do you. And nothing beats hearing, “Good game, Coach,” after a win. I can’t take credit for the good games without facing the bad.
When we choose inaction, we protect our egos:
“I didn’t really try, but if I had, I’d have done great.”
That’s the lie we tell ourselves to avoid failure.
But accountability - real ownership - invites feedback. And feedback, while uncomfortable, is the only way we grow, if we take action from it.
Without accountability, there’s no feedback.
Without feedback, there’s no growth.
Finger-pointing is a power transfer.
“People will come to love their oppression, to adore the technologies that undo their capacities to think.” - Aldous Huxle
It can feel easier to let others take responsibility for your life. But, every time you blame someone else, you hand them your power. Be careful who you give it to.
I tell my athletes all the time: control the controllables.
Focus on what you can control (what you are responsible for) — your preparation, your attitude, your effort, your words, your boundaries.
And let go of what you cannot control (are not responsible for) — their preparation, their attitude, their effort, their boundaries.
When you stop taking accountability for what you can control, you surrender your only power. Sometimes it’s to avoid blame. But often?…
You avoid accountability because you don’t trust yourself.
If you don’t trust yourself, why should anyone else? In the workplace, trust and accountability go hand in hand. More pay, higher title, more visibility - they all come with more responsibility. The higher you rise, the more outcomes you own.
If you’re not growing in your career, you might be avoiding accountability.
Are you signaling that you’re ready for it? Are you owning your mistakes, or hiding from them?
You can’t pick and choose when you stand in the spotlight.
You either step into it, with your wins and your failures, or you stay in the dark.
But you can’t have one without the other. If you’re not taking responsibility for your mistakes, you can’t own the wins.
Point of Privilege - I am accountable.
Accountability is a privilege. It means someone believes in you enough to trust you with something that matters.
It’s not something you should do - it’s something you can do.
“Should” is a bad word in my vocabulary. It’s laced with guilt, pressure, and the illusion of no choice. Accountability, on the other hand, is about choice and empowerment.
As a head coach for a high school team, I’m in a position of privilege. For a few hours each day, the school and parents trust me with their student-athletes. It’s a responsibility I take seriously. I don’t have to coach this team, but I do get to coach. this team
Taking accountability is a decision, not a demand. You don’t have to do it.
But remember - inaction is still an active choice.
Ironically, if you don’t take control of your life, you’re still the one responsible for that decision. Victimhood is a hard habit to break. It’s comfortable. It lets resentment and blame become an identity, and anger becomes the fuel.
Accountability? That’s true freedom. The next move is always yours.
No one has ammo on you. You show up authentically, owning your mistakes, your wins, and everything in between.
Every time you hide from accountability, you pass on the chance to prove your worth and grow your capability.
If you want to stay where you are, stay the victim. No “shoulds” here.
But if you’re ready for change - keep reading.
Accountability adds pressure and demands growth.
“The moment you take responsibility for everything in your life is the moment you can change anything in your life.” - Tony Robbins
The biggest moments of growth in my personal and professional life have always been on the other side of accountability.
When I first accepted the head coaching job, I felt the pressure immediately - not as fear, but as a fuel. The kind of stress that demands you rise to meet it. I wanted to show up as my best self every day. That pressure makes me better.
Situational stress can be a gift because it demands action. I had taken on a role bigger than I was, which meant I had to grow into it. That’s what accountability does: adds pressure and demands growth.
Accountability teaches preparation. When the outcomes are up to you, success comes down to how well you prepare. Thinking ahead. Anticipating hurdles. Staying ready.
Preparation means controlling the controllables: drafting the plan, doing the research, showing up early, checking your attitude.
Accountability teaches excellence. It pushes you to review what worked, what didn’t, and how to communicate better next time. It teaches you how to identify and problem-solve, because the stakes are high. It’s sink or swim, and that’s where real growth happens.
These are the exact same skills that set people apart in their careers.
Accountability is showing up when and how you say you will. It’s consistency under pressure. It’s dependability.
The more accountability you take on, the more valuable you become - which is often reflected in your paycheck. Managers, leaders, and business owners earn more because they’re accountable for more than themselves. They represent teams, outcomes, and trust.
In a world full of people avoiding responsibility, accountability is a competitive edge.
Everyone’s looking for the person who shows up.
Building accountability-tolerance.
Learning to take accountability doesn’t happen overnight, or through inaction. It’s built through small, consistent steps. Here are some ideas on how you can start:
Apologize early and own it.
If you mess up, don’t wait until someone calls you out. Be the first to say it. Most people don’t expect others to own their mistakes, so it catches them off guard. When you acknowledge it first, you take away their ammo. There’s no drama, just a path forward. Keep your power. Stay focused.
Practice honestly in the small things.
If you’re late, don’t blame traffic if it wasn’t traffic.
Recently, I showed up late and admitted to my friend, “I didn’t manage my time well.” She smiled and responded, “I get it, no worries.” That was it. People respect honesty.
Find external accountability with low stakes.
Most of us aren’t great accountability partners to ourselves, especially when nothing’s on the line. Think about how often New Year’s resolutions work out.
If there’s something or someone counting on me - a volunteer shift, a friend to meet, a team depending on me - I’ll show up. Find something outside yourself that keeps you accountable: tell a friend what you’re working on, join a running club, sign up for a weekly commitment. Make showing up a habit.Redefine accountability as potential rather than punishment.
Accountability unlocks possibilities of potential. It means there’s something to strive for - and you get the chance to see what you’re capable of. You never know who’s watching.
If accountability feels like punishment, it might mean your actions and values aren’t aligned. Pick your battles. Ask yourself, “Am I where I want to be?”
If not, take inventory. What can you control? What can you do today to move one step closer?Focus on what could go right.
When fear drives your decisions, you’re always playing defense. You move to avoid losing. But what if you played to win?
Instead of asking, “What if this goes wrong?” ask, “What’s the best that could happen?”
We spend so much time imagining failure that we forget to imagine success. Don’t let fear dictate your effort. Take the risk. That’s where growth happens.
Closing thoughts.
The identity of “victim” isn’t serving you, and it’s not protecting you from failure. It’s weighing you down, giving away your power, and hurting your career.
Let that identity go. Step into the spotlight - in your career, your relationships, your life.
You don’t have to take accountability in your life. You get to.
It’s never too late, but it is up to you.
And on the other side of accountability is growth, excellence, and freedom.
Maybe even a few well-earned, “Good game, Coach.”